When A Lady At Walmart Yelled At Me

Story Time

Okay are you ready for a fun story? So a few months ago, my two sisters and I, took all of our kids to Walmart. For anyone who doesn’t know, I have a four year old and twins that are now two. The sister right under me only had a two year old at the time and the sister under her was pregnant. We go into the store and per usual my twins do not want to be in the cart, they want to explore and run around. So I spend the majority of the time chasing them around and making sure I know where they are. As I was chasing them to the sock section of the store I notice this older lady staring at me. As a mom of crazy twins this isn’t a new thing for me so I chalked it up to maybe her noticing I have TWO littles running around. As I gather the girls and take them back to our cart I notice she is hovering and watching. Again, didn’t think much of it. We finish looking at the clothes and make our way to the front. We make a stop at the candles and I notice the lady behind us just sitting there. I figure we are probably in her way so I move our cart over and she stops right next to me. She asks me, “are those your kids?” I respond, “yes they are!” She then asks, “are they twins?” I quickly smile and say “yes they are!” Then she looks at me right in the eyes and says, “I don’t mean to be rude, but you really need to get a better handle on those girls. I have grandkids that are twins and I was watching you and it was stressing me out. You seriously need to have a better handle on those girls. It was stressing me out.” You know when you are so shocked by what someone is doing or saying you just kinda sit there stunned with a big ol knot in your throat? Yeah, that was me. I couldn’t even respond and she wouldn’t let up. She kept going on and on. Finally one of my sisters (the pregnant mama) turned around and said, “yupp there’s three of us. We got it!” The lady shaked her head as she walked off mumbling under her breath. That fat knot in my throat quickly turned into tears as I turned around to be comforted by my sissies.

A Good Lesson For Me As A Mom

I don’t tell you this story to get sympathy or to even bash on this lady, but to tell you a very valuable lesson I learned that day. After we left, shame hit me like a freight train and all the thoughts came flooding in. “You suck as a mom!” or “yeah remember all the times people have stared at you and the girls? They all were probably thinking what that lady said. I stress them out and need to get a better handle on my kids.” I cried it out and let myself feel sad for a little bit and then the thought came to me, “do I believe what that lady said is true? Am I a bad mom and do I need to get a better handle on my kids?” My answer is no. Honestly, most of the time, I feel like I am a good mom who is doing her best! Yes, sometimes I look like a hot mess to me and obviously other people on occasion, but it is honestly my best and for that I am proud of myself. When my brain gave me evidence to prove what that lady said was true, I questioned it and found proof on why it isn’t true. I went from shame to self love. What that lady said hurt but I didn’t choose to believe it or let it define me. In a way I was glad it happened because it gave me an opportunity to reflect and have my own back! Since becoming a mom (and especially since becoming a twin mom) I have felt judgement from others on occasion but especially from myself to myself! The judgement comes in and the shame comes with it like a ton of bricks. It’s hard for me to not spiral in those situations but the thought, “do I actually believe that is true?” has served me well. As moms, we really are just doing our best. Your best might not always look the best to you or other people but it is your best. Let that be good enough!

A Good Lesson For All Of Us

Okay this doesn’t just apply to us moms. There will always be someone who has an opinion of you. Sometimes people will share that with you and sometimes they won’t. But listen, instead of focusing on what OTHERS think of you, maybe you should focus more on what YOU think of you. That is really what matters. If someone thinks you are a bad mom, a bad business owner, a bad student, or a bad daughter, ask yourself, “what do I think of me?” People are free to have their own opinions and you are free to have yours. I am not saying this in a way where you become so self consumed it doesn’t lead to you to progression. Be humble and reflect. “Where can I improve and where do I want to work on having my own back?” Personal growth isn’t about hating yourself. It’s about loving yourself so much to improve. But the most important opinion of you is your own. We live in a world where a lot of us believe the opinions of others is what is most important and I am here to tell you IT IS NOT. Brene Brown, a shame researcher, says, “If you always worry about the thoughts and opinions of others, you’ll forever be their servant. To break those limitations, you need to let go of trying to be perfect and start being real and honest. By being your most authentic self, you’ll attract people who love and appreciate you just the way you are.” I know this is a hard thing to do but I also know it is work worth doing. Sometimes you might look like a hot mess to some grumpy lady in Walmart and sometimes she will tell you exactly what she is thinking about you. Let her! Reflect on what YOU think of you. Go out in the world, be authentic, let others have their own opinions, and have your own back! I believe in you my friend and as always, don’t forget, YOU TOTALLY GOT THIS!

XOXO

Sav